It is another year for the civic carnival we call a Presidential Election. This year’s election is, once again, the most… important… election of your lifetime, making it the fifth one in a row to earn that title. This time around the inner party of the system representing the high-low alliance is holding primaries to select a nominee to take on the incumbent, President Trump.

The field ballooned up to 23 or 24 candidates at one point, but has since whittled down to half that size. The Iowa caucus created more problems for the Democrats with charges of incompetence (difficulty counting) or maliciousness (DNC doesn’t want Bernie). We want to spend this week showing some love for the Democrats’ race, so expect a essays on the bigger picture and how what we see today fits in with it. Where do the candidates that matter stand rolling into the New Hampshire primary?

Bernard Sanders – Front-runner – Bernie has seen a surge in momentum that gave him a half win in Iowa and a lead going into NH. Two very white states play to his advantage. Bernie also is picking up outsider underdog points a la Trump in 2016 despite mouthing the same woke policies as heard from the rest of DC. His national poll numbers have risen and the map looks good for him early. Nate Silver has something like a dozen states as likely Bernie wins for this next month. Bernie’s campaign infrastructure should give him an advantage compared to every other campaign, especially those scrambling with all the drop outs and decline in fundraising as donors wait for the first few states to make their decisions.

Pete Buttigieg – Stock Way Up – The latest non-entity who has a resume of being a mayor of a smaller Midwestern city was declared a winner before counting was done and after multiple days, shenanigans declared him the sort of winner along with Bernie. Pete is the billionaires choice, and his campaign appears more as a way to block Bernie from early wins, denying Bern the inevitable label.

Michael Bloomberg – Stock Way Up – Bloomberg has spent $300 million already. He is not senile. He is not 38. He just has to exist and he will see his stock rise. Bloomberg never declared for South Carolina, and he may curse himself for this as even Tom Steyer has seen his numbers rise in SC by flooding the zone with tv ad buys. Bloomberg may be the perfect Acela Corridor candidate.

Amy Klobuchar – Stock Up – Girl boss with a Midwestern veneer has looked decent in recent debates. Amy came in fifth in Iowa and has seen her numbers in NH rise. Could make a competent VP pick for Bernie or Biden because with their advanced age and health, they need someone with a vagina who has some chops and Stacy “DMV” Abrams does not cut it.

Elizabeth Warren – Stock Down – Despite a third place in Iowa, Liz has seen her stock drop with her shameless lies and attacks on Bernie. Warren has a real problem with lying over and over again. It is not the traditional politician’s lies of promises, but she instead lies about herself even when the media of all forces has already fact checked her. Sen. Warren once was an academic who was anti-bankster. She sounds human and competent in the documentary “Maxed Out”. Now she is just another woke neoliberal politico. Her only hope now is to be made VP for Biden and watch him die in his first term.

Joe Biden – Stock Way Down – Was he the front-runner, a Bernie blocker or just a stalking horse? Joe finished fourth in Iowa, barely staying ahead of Klobuchar. Joe was garbage. He has always wanted to be president from the moment he arrived in DC. He failed miserably in ’87 when he was busted for plagiarizing speeches of others multiple times. Signs of change in America is that Biden was busted for it and it hounded him for years, preventing him from running for president again until 2008, where he received under 1% of the vote and dropped out quickly. Biden nearly was Secretary of State had Kerry won in ’04. He ended up Obama’s VP after Clinton passed on that gig to be Secretary of State, and became the way SNL mocked the administration while leaving Obama untouched. His last hope is that blacks can give him a win in SC and rescue him, but he faces a far worse ending than had he tried to run in ’16 or just retired quietly. Biden’s legacy will now be an out of touch, senile old pol who was a puppet for the DNC as they tried to block Bernie. He is a piece of crap and deserves it.