It’s on everyone’s mind.
Let’s introduce this matter quickly; every single man reading this wants a woman to call his own. Every single man reading this also happens to know that obtaining a woman is hard. Scratch that – getting a woman is easy. Getting a quality woman is hard. You can find any number of post-Wall commitment chasers with x number of children from previous “mistakes” that would just love for you to put a ring on it. After all, they know you’re a cut above; by virtue of reading The American Sun I can safely assume you’re reasonably attractive to women and decent at running Game.
But attraction and Game are only part of the equation for nabbing up a female that’s actually wife material. The best that you could hope for at that point is subverting a woman who would have been good wife material, and setting her on a bad path. There would be no cat ladies if there were no Chads, after all. No, it takes a bit more to get a wife (we’ll get to that) than just knowing how women operate and what to do to get one in bed.
What kind of woman?
Before discussing the solution to the Lonely Right Winger problem, we need to talk about a problem that a lot of Lonely Right Wingers have: a total lack of grace. If you’re looking for a woman, you are looking for a poor miserable sinner just like yourself, one who is also going to be affected by the total domination and subversion enacted by Clown World against every human being alive. If straight white men are public enemy #1, women are the first victim of the war. Somewhere down the line, our enemies found out that going after the women with propaganda and false freedom would demoralize the men. If you’re looking for a wife in the midst of the American Abyss, you will be hard pressed to find a woman who isn’t screwed up to some extent by it.
The best we can hope for is the least subverted. I am happy to say that I married the Christian Virgin whose goal was to be a housewife since she was five years old. But she’s a rarity. If there are no girls out there like this in your area, there are still acceptable, marriagable candidates in your area. What constitutes them? Well, a traditional outlook on womanhood and marriage, minimum number of partners previous to you, and the least baggage possible are a good start. But what constitutes “marriagable” is a topic for another article.
Remember, you do want a wife. Not a girlfriend. There is no dedication, nor any future, with a “girlfriend,” one who by her title always has the option to leave with no consequences. If you have not taken the exit routes that many a man has taken to escape the loneliness that Clown World inflicted – homosexuality, transgenderism, pickup artistry, MGTOW/Incelism, etc. – then you are stubbornly insisting that you must have a wife. That is your right after all. For thousands of years humanity did well in fostering marriage; only now are you basically denied it. You don’t mean to say tfwnogf; you mean to say “I demand a wife.”
Failed Escape Routes
Don’t be a homosexual or Go Trans
This ought to go without saying, especially on this website, and namely because homosexuality is a sin, but it is worth mentioning. However, it also gives you no great help in solving the desire for a spouse. Homosexuality has always been about the utility of obtaining sex, as men have a higher sex drive than women. If they decide to pervert their natural sexuality, then these men will end up having a lot more sex. I believe Foucault wrote that it ends up being a covenant with death, sacrificing one’s life for the sake of pleasure. With this kind of deal with the devil, let Sciambra tell you: the juice ain’t worth the squeeze, and you won’t find fulfillment in it.
Same goes with transgenderism. Again, this goes without saying to a right-wing audience, but transgender people are not loved, they are used. Like the homosexual, they are made, not born, and they are made by perversion. But for the tranny this means becoming a symbol for access to power, and that is the gift they receive for the sacrifice of their manhood. The gay man can trick himself into thinking he is not lonely – “how could I be? Look at how much I’m getting my butthole railed!” – but the tranny will be unloved and uncared for. There is no family element in either. Don’t let someone NAXALT you on it either – instead, have some fun googling “sex change regret” and tell me that those numbers don’t speak to the immediate horror of the unfulfilled pervert.
Don’t be a pickup artist.
I know, I know, here’s SuperLutheran being a “simp” and “defending women;” the real solution, says the Pickup Artist, is to ride the tiger and bang all the girls you can. Yes, because our answer to the problem of vapid and loose women should be to… create…more of them? Should we really reward whorish behavior?
PUAs, when self-aware, are the kind of hedonists that pretend to be enlightened while acting just like everyone else. In other words, they are culture-vultures; you say you’re riding the tiger, but you mean that you’re fully enjoying the decay, feasting on it, even. All you are doing is going along with the evils of our society, and thinking that it’s fine because you know better while you’re doing it. “All women are disgusting whores….and I love me some disgusting whores.” To live like this is worse than the homosexual’s life; as the march of time renders you impotent, the god you made of sex withers away, and you find yourself dying old and alone. Consider the transformation of the PUA Roosh into a man of God. There was no future chasing skirts. At least the poofter dies at 35 without having to think about it very much.
Don’t go MGTOW/Volcel/Incel
MGTOW is the relationship equivalent of taking your ball and going home. Incels are the relationship equivalent of suicide. MGTOW says “Women are evil, so I will have nothing to do with them.” Incels say “Women are evil, and thus I suffer alone.” The MGTOW guys is basically the same thing as the incel, only more aware that what he is doing is conscious; the incel attempts to convince himself that his decision is entirely out of his control.
This avenue of escape is wrong for three reasons. First, if you participate and take it seriously, you will die alone and miserable, just like the pickup artist except that you had a lot less sex. Second, you do nothing to solve the problem by quitting. It’s like taking the Benedict Option; the persecution doesn’t end just because you go into hiding, dummy. Third, it is objectively wrong to say that women by definition are uniquely disposed to ruin all things. There are over 3 billion of them. At least one is good enough for you.
Inb4 “simp”/”white knight.” I have a wife and a child. I’ve been married for six years. I’ve reproduced. MGTOW/Volcel/Incel, you haven’t. “WhAt iF She DiVoRcEs yOu?” We’ll get to preventing that later in this article, but even if that happens, I got to enjoy a good marriage for a long time, I got to enjoy the happiness of having a son, and I got to have lots and lots of sex. Even if my wife ends up becoming the stereotypical AWFL and robbing me blind through divorce, I still enjoyed something good for a long time: what, other than loneliness, material wealth and porn, can you say you got out of your philosophy?
A Better Way to Go About It
Step One: Finding a Girl
Every man ought to seek help from his fellows in finding a prospective wife. This could be your friends, your pastor or church body, your mannerbund, perhaps even your family. In olden times, Babushka helped get the girls married off; if you don’t have a Babushka, you’ll have to find people to do her job. Think of it this way; you looking for a girl, amidst a sea of women that you don’t know, is laying one pair of blind eyes on your environment. You don’t know their history, you don’t know their character, and you aren’t familiar with how they live. An extended network of people helping you to find a girl, however, is a large amount of eyes with good eyesight, each person having connections and relationships with the good girls they can help you find. In other words, if a quality woman is hard to find, get help.
Step Two: Wooing a Girl
I’m an advocate of chastity before marriage for a lot of good reasons. Still, it is good for men to be attractive and learn basic Game to continue that attraction. During the time you are courting, it is also wise to make sure that you leave no stone unturned in your own life regarding income, property, vehicles, health insurance, and observance of tradition; it is your job to be an adult and responsible for a family. The basic deal of economic security is one that continues to appeal to the average woman whether she would admit it or not. In other words, make yourself a catch without being a beta.
I cannot say it enough, though, that you must – must – be chaste. Your future could depend on it. Even if the gf you end up with hasn’t known a man yet, sleeping with her and excusing it with “well, we’re going to get married anyway” is a foolish gamble to take. Think of it this way: if you sleep with her now, but the relationship ends, then you have made divorce in the future for her more likely; gee, thanks, you’ve helped destroy someone else’s family 10 years down the line. You just contributed to greater societal decay. But if you sleep with her and somehow end up married to her later on, you are still hurting your chances. Just wait. Keep it in your pants knowing that yes, you are compatible – Implement A will slide into Slot B with little difficulty.
Step Three: Keeping a Girl
So you got some help finding a girl, then you made sure to be a Chad Catch that she’d want to marry. You stuck to your guns on chastity to make sure you got a virgin bride (or a bride who had to wait long enough to forget what the other guy was like). Now, you’re married. How do you keep yourself from getting divorced, frivorced, and every tragedy in between? Here are some ideas to get you started:
First off, go to Church. Every Week. No, seriously. Go to Church. The Harvard study that talks about lowered divorce rates among weekly-attending believers also concludes (as the other links discuss) a peer pressure that helps keep the feminine instinct for rotating polyandry at bay, as well as the male drive to spread seed everywhere.
Second, abominate romance, replace it with meaningful relationship. And keep running Game on your wife. Undo the thoughts you were raised with, where relationships are transactional. I was taught by media that giving a girl flowers or jewelry meant “winning” (read: purchasing) the girl. This is the essence of the beta inside you that must perish. Of course, I imagine most of my readers know this stuff already, but it’s worth saying that until we get White Sharia, there will be no bride markets.
Third, while I can advise prenups all I want… they can get thrown out of courts easily. Instead, make sure to rule your household well; get the whole family to withdraw their consent to be subverted by Clown World. Get the wife in on it, declare that “we will not have degenerate garbage in this home” and give her a suitable replacement for it. Replace Eat/Pray/Love with Little Women on her bookshelf, buy her modest clothes to replace her yoga pants, etc. You’re supposed to be in charge here, so use your authority to prevent your authority from being challenged by the forces of decay. If you frame it right, it will be an enjoyable experience for her and something she will contribute to. I’ll talk about this subject more in a future post.
Conclusion: Valiant Valentine
It takes a measure of bravery to go out, get help, get game, and then get married. There is a comfortable death in being MGTOW, gay, or a pickup artist; you know that you will die in your lifestyle, with little variation or change. A marriage, however, includes lot of change, and if you play your cards right, it will be good change – that is, growth. Growing a family, growing a relationship, having a future and a legacy without sacrificing any of the sex or drive for success that the other options give you. Be someone’s valiant valentine.
23 Comments Add yours
Very easy response to your three point criticism of volcel:
1. No. We all die alone in the physical sense (short of murder-suicides) and with Jesus by our side in the spiritual sense. And projecting misery onto others isn’t becoming.
2. You’re doing nothing to solve the problem either. Unless you’re raising child soldiers perhaps. But those things that would solve the problem are illegal, so neither I nor you should be advocating for them. Just don’t pretend you are fixing something and denounce others for not doing so while we’re both sticking within the confines of the very law that prevents anything from being fixed.
3. That’s an assertion, but you haven’t proven it. And I’ve heard enough people make the same assertion only to be proven wrong given enough time to not believe your assertion either.
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Allow me to reframe it;
1. FIne. You’ll die without having been loved by a spouse or your own children.
2. Children are a mighty blessing fom the Lord and a sign of His favor. They’re also referred to as arrows which help even in interactions with our enemies (Ps.127:4-5). All children, with or without guns, are child soldiers.
3. All’s I’m saying is that, inductively speaking, you can’t just say every single woman in the entire world is a horrible meanie slut – you just can’t do that. If you want to say that means I can’t “prove” my assertion that there’s a good one out there for you, that’s fine. But I’ve met and known good, loyal, traditional and submissive rw women – which at least disproves the idea that they’re all, without exception, bad (at least, in my experience). If you haven’t met a single good female ever, including your own mother, then maybe you should move.
1. Agreed. I’ll also die without experiencing escargot or that one fermented Icelandic fish.
2. I don’t think God favors us right now. I think we’re a nation under judgement. And that’s a nice verse, but I don’t see how it’s relevant. Unless your kids will be manning the magical smokestack-less ovens, they’re going to sit through the mandatory anal sex Holocaust classes.
3. I can’t say that “every single woman in the entire world is a horrible meanie slut”? You might have meant that as a strawman, but I take it as a challenge! Every single woman in the entire world is a horrible meanie slut. This is now my ideology.
I would add a good piece of advice in assessing a quality woman is seeing what her relationship with her father is like. If he is barely present and does not appear to have any sort of control over her, you won’t either.
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Ooh, I forgot about that. Good addition.
my daughter is getting married in 6 months . she has no dad issues. that is good advice.
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Everything written here is good and true, but more than anything men need to be moving forward; a man moving backwards won’t be helped by a woman, and one moving forward won’t have trouble finding one.
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We welcome response essays. Please give us the MGTOW or PUA angle
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I know you mean to be helpful and white-pilling, but all of this presupposes having your shit together, being something of a natural, ample options and the social capital for people to want to help you sort through them, etc. etc. etc. Men in that position are far more likely to tend toward the ‘blue-pill alpha’ mindset, accepting the canards of Current Year but behaving in an entirely different way.
You remind me of the Orthodox priests I’ve spoken to (I’m a fairly recent convert) – by virtue of their position high agency and *very* high situational status men – who see the waifu question the way Boomers think of employment – a world of easy abundance, just waiting to be reaped by anyone making the simple intellectual decision to clean up their acts. The lived experience of the average Recovering Millenial Loser Bugman is just incomprehensible to them. Their whole experience of women (mine, for instance: this bizarre, inexplicable Dionysian novelty appeal that never goes anywhere with anything any neutral observer might describe as a reasonable, wholesome choice) is a foreign country.
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agree and amplify. most of us (and i speak for myself) millenial, bugman, beta losers don’t need advice on how to get a girl now; we needed a father figure and positive male role models when it mattered. i and the legions like me are probably, as the system would intend for us, condemned to either NEETdom or lives of quiet, desperate wage slavery without anything resembling a real social life.
find yourself a mentor , probably in church . I will mentor any young man that will listen . I am still at the gym,work on cars,work in industry, and I have raised my 3 kids. they are adults. men being friends and mentors used to be a common thing , and should be again.
I can see where I’m coming off as a bit distanced from the situation on the ground. Hopefully though, the mannerbund/Church/friend group/families that single right wingers ask for help can mitigate the desert of good women out there.
Wait, who said sex was the obsession here?
I pointed to family and children, not “hurr durr, have sex lol”
Or did you not read the part where I condemn pickup artistry?
Further question for the author: “After all, they know you’re a cut above; by virtue of reading The American Sun I can safely assume you’re reasonably attractive to women and decent at running Game.”
Why do you assume this? A great portion of the commentariat in “this thing” asserts this, but I for one feel reasonably confident that a great number of “our” ranks had the Red Pill shoved down their throats by virtue of being forced to come to terms with the fact that our women, to a large degree, despise us, and that in spite of the narrative, we have, to our fleshly, sinful beta minds anyway, been far more sinned against than sinning in this regard, and that everything our mothers convinced us of about women, and that our fathers never contradicted, was a lie. From there the natural “I wonder what else is a lie?” process followed. From there the horrors of the JQ are sufficient to convince many (like myself) that Christianity of the old-time uncompromising style must be true as well, and so on.
I firmly believe that those who know the true nature of reality know better how to deal with it.
The more redpilled you are, the better – so long as you don’t go down the left hand path of purity spiraling or the other dropoff point of blackpillism.
In the ideal; in the long term. In practice, learning new truth is usually destabilizing.
Red pills are like floods washing away buildings on a crappy foundation. Yes, this clears the way for something better, and in some theoretical future flood you’ll be better prepared, but a flood is a flood.
Dear SuperLutheran: In what part of the country do you minister? (if that is the right word). I would attend one of your services, I live in northwest Indiana. Everything that I see and hear about “Christians” circa 2020 seems beta and soy and weakness and simpering. You seem different. For myself, I’ll echo Anacardo and DrawOH-ER. But, to them, I will say: this article is not for you; the author has other articles that might more directly help with issues of how to achieve a level of masculinity; see his article on lifting and not being fat. Lifting can be quite inspiring and self-empowering; not too expensive if you join one of the national chains; the chains are very woke and girly, but go cheap to start; then find a man’s gym. Find a youtuber or other to get training.
To be honest, brother, I wish I could self-dox without it being a problem for my family or my safety, but such is life. But I can tell you that I’m part of a Confessional Lutheran body with a high emphasis on liturgy; most Lutheran churches that are like this are masculine, and I’ve known quite a few redpilled pastors from these churches – even on the jq.
And oh yeah, I agree. All men must lift. God commands us to love Him with all our hearts, sould, minds and strength. If we have no strength to speak of, how can we love our Lord with it?
no problem. I did not want you to self-dox, and I suppose even identifying a general area in the country can be dangerous. I’ll internet-search “confessional lutheran”” and see what comes up. thanks.
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Oh, and tell us more about this “White Sharia.” I have been wondering about that as an option. The book “Submission.”
It’s clear that this article is written at the self-conscious Chad, yes. I don’t fit the dictionary archetype of the Beta exactly – my physique is not terribly impressive, but I’m a reasonably competent martial artist, do not-so-ambitious kettlebell sets on off days and strive for a reasonable diet. Eastern Orthodoxy is a thoroughly manly, masculine institution; the sample of clergy I’ve encountered is quite Alpha-ish and does much to dispel the Beta false dichotomy between the strong and the good.
However – I’m going to pose my dilemma in the form of a quotation – St. Maximos the Confessor, perhaps the most Orthodox man in history under Our Lord Himself – ‘the removal of the desire to be married is the *first step in a man’s salvation* (emphasis mine.). I’ve been grappling with that one for a while. The most straightforward answer to that condition is ‘LOL get married, duh’ – but let’s take stock of the facts.
In our age, female choice is mating is unrestricted – women choose; men display. And what do women like? Good looks, imposing, athletic bodies, wealth, raw power – the implicit ability to work one’s will by violence or social warfare – and a station in life higher than her own. “The lusts of the flesh, the lusts of the eyes, and the pride of life.” I am not convinced that a living saint would not appear to worldly eyes like the biggest omega loser ever, just profoundly happy, sorrowing only over his sins and content with absolutely any station. This is, in my experience, very different from what women want. I wonder if free (read: female) choice in mating and a Christian social order are not fundamentally, profoundly incompatible.
Perhaps they are incompatible, but that’s why the idea is to get help.
As much as I’d like to bring back arranged marriage, ban no-fault divorce, burn all the divorce courts to the ground and eliminate birth control, the fact of the matter is, so long as these women are able to “choose” their mates, men will need help. Be a good, solid man, and you’ll take care of any deficiencies one could find fault with (ie., too fat, not charismatic enough, etc.). Then seek women of high quality via a support network; these women ought to, by virtue of character, be able to perceive your status and by virtue of morals know that it is right to marry. Restrict her sense of choice by getting the support group to encourage her to go along with your intentions. Get her family in on it (that is, impress her father and get her mother to life you, be cool to her siblings, etc.). Just spitballing here, but if this is the best we can do, then we ought to seek to do it best.
Good advice in this piece, albeit from someone who probably won the marriage lottery. I would only add that much of this advice is most relevant to the young. If you’re in your twenties or even late teens, you need to understand that the time to find a wife is now. The more trad women are married off by the time they turn 25 or so. In my college youth group, there were only a few thin, Christian trad girls….and all of them were married just after graduation. To delay even thinking about marriage until you turn 30, which was a common Boomer trope when i was young, is simply a disaster. A lot of the MGTOW/PUA stuff is a response to this huge dearth of marriageable women as men enter their 30s and realize their prospects for marriage are dimming. If you live in a globohomo city, finding a woman who will go to church with you, or not stomach degenerate entertainment garbage, as the author mentions up top, is going to be a hard sell. Modern urban women are working off a different script than what most guys reading this article are looking for – they might as well be from a different country or time period. So what to do about the lonely right winger problem? Its not a black pill to acknowledge that large numbers of decent guys wont find a marriageable woman…but its a bitter pill. Society does not owe a man his waifu (nor will the church help you find one…that’s not their task)….and more men need to accept their lot and find the resources to deal with it, without embracing bitterness, despair or degeneracy. But the American family dream is no longer open to us all.